The Desiccation of Wit

Friday, February 24, 2006

random is a random does

What better to do on a Friday afternoon in Februrary than put my iPod on shuffle and use it kinda like a tarot reading? Oh, great iPod, what does the future hold?

(Big money, big money; no whammies, no whammies; stop!)

1. Little Feat, "Willin'"
I've been from Tuscon to Tucumcari, Tehachapi to Tonapah. I've driven every kind of rig that's ever been made. I've driven the backroads so I wouldn't get weighed.
Maybe the best song ever written about being a long-haul trucker. Also, songs with place names are just that much cooler. Vis CCR's Lodi.

2. The Whitlams, "Royal in the Afternoon"
Won't drink. Won't smoke. Won't get home at a hundred o'clock.
About going or not going to the pub, which is the perfect subject for Friday musings.

3. Mull Historical Society, "Your Love, My Gain"
And I can take the pain and make it mine and take it in
Mopey and Scottish. Everyone needs a favorite lyrical, mopey Scot-- preferably from the Hebrides. This is not my favorite MHS song, but it is very mopey and rather Scottish. If Wilco were Scottish and played more piano and had never listend to Waylon Jennings or Chris LeDoux, they would sound like MHS.

4. The Guild League, "Time Please Gents"
Into the morning of last night, full of ourselves in the half-light: let's get arrested or smashed
More songs about pubs! But a continuation of the mournful theme, this time from Australia.

5. Van Morrison, "Domino"
You get may disgusted, start thinkin' that I'm strange.
I saw Van Morrison in concert two years ago. First of all, I and my crew were the youngest folks at the concert by about twenty years. Secondly, Van Morisson is a hobbit. A hobbit who wears cream-colored suits, sings like his throat is full of marbles, occasionally plays a brass instrument and whose sole dance move consists of imitating a bobble-head doll. All of which just makes him an even badder-ass mofo.

6. The Weakerthans, "Uncorrected Proofs"
Will your readership complain? The stories always end the same.
This is my favorite Canadian band. They are arch and overeducated-- just like us!-- and have a song about Foucault that involves a video with dancing penguins.

7. Queen, "We Are the Champions"
I consider it a challenge before the whole human race and I ain't gonna lose.
Because no other song sounds as good when sung both by the original band and by hundreds of thousands of screaming, drunk sports fans. If you don't have a single good memory to associate with this song, it's probably because you, like me, are a Cubs fan.

8. Billie Holiday, "Billie's Blues"
My man wouldn't give me no breakfast, wouldn't give me no dinner, fought about my supper and put me outdoors
A good man is hard to find and Billie is finding it harder than most. Damn, does she sound good singing about how hard it is, though. It is my suspicion that I never sound this alluring, no matter what I'm whining about.

9. Stark Effect, "Bunnyrabbits, Satan, Cheese and Milk."
I had forgotten about this song, which basically consists of the recitation of the title over Groove Armada-ish beats. Man, is this song weird. It always makes me think of the Big Bunny films.

10. Bonnie Raitt, "Love Me Like a Man"
I want a man to rock me like my backbone was his own
I'm not entirely clear on the biomechanics of this, but it's always struck me as one of the sexiest lines in pop music. Especially when delivered in a honeyed growl by Ms. Raitt over the sound of her slide guitar.

Thus, I believe it is entirely clear what the iPod gods are trying to tell me:
A good man is hard to find, no matter how far you look. So go have a drink! (It is also possible that they are endorsing either bunnyrabbits, satan, dairy products or all of the above. But this conclusion finds less broad support in the evidence.)

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