The Desiccation of Wit

Monday, February 13, 2006

Happy Birthday to Yew

If horses had nine-month pregnancies, the stables would be very busy around April Fool's Day. This works from the presupposition that all horses have their birthdays on January 1. This follows in turn from the presupposition that one's birthday is celebrated on the day one is born. One can measure a horse's age by counting the number of rings in its trunk. Similarly, one can do the same for trees. Tu Bishvot is the Jewish New Year for trees, and is today. All the trees get their rings, and presents: if they're lucky, sylvan nymphs and nympheal sylphs bring them new horseshoes. Horsesocks, too, if they live in cold climes. Something was going down in the forest back on May 13.

Unrelatedly, it's time to present an award to one of the following trees for having said the best of the following things during the last week. The non-winning nominees are...

Mr. Nick Smallwood, for his brilliant performance in "Dinner in Koreatown Friday night":
"Liberia is the Delaware of the Third World."

Mr. Ian Samuel, for his underhanded-compliment-qua-grave-insult in "Con Law on Wednesday":
"Archibald Cox is a national hero of semi-historical proportions."

The New York Times, for the following doozy that only the Times would ever try (or could ever get away with) about one Trevor Smith* of Brooklyn:
"Considered an elder statesman in the hip-hop world, Mr. Smith largely eschews the verbal backbiting and violence-filled braggadocio embraced by so many rap musicians."

*(Significantly, Rod Smart : He Hate Me :: Trevor Smith : Busta Rhymes.)

And the winner by knockout, and undisputed (and unabashed) champion of anarchism:

Mr. David Young, for the following explanatory email of clarification to the proprietors of this blog.

Subject: I'm Not Genocidal

"hey guys it was fun talking yesterday.  i just wanted to clarify that i'm
not genocidal. but it was fun pretending i am.
have a great weekend."


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